Dealing With That Pesky Black Cloud
But then He quickly said, now let's get your car fixed. Exactly one month ago, I spent $500+ on getting the breaks fixed on my old car. Only to have the transmission die on me just a week or so afterwards. So what happened? My dad had to go out and get me a car, because how does a current masters student have the ability to buy a new car with a measly $1,500/mo salary?? Not this girl! A month passes by and payday rolls around again, only to have my check engine light come on the day before actually getting paid. So like a good person trying to take care of their car, because ya know those have to last for a while, I went to go get it checked out. $117 just to run a diagnostic.... mind you I know that there are other places and people that can do that for much cheaper or for free... but it should be under warranty right? Also wrong. The airbag light has been on since I have gotten the car, but I simply have not had time to go get that checked out because in order to get that small monthly paycheck, I have to show up to work every day!! Turns out, my car needs a specialty part for my airbags to be able to deploy God forbid I am in a car accident.
Of course this happens to me, these things are never a small fix. For anyone who knows me, if something is wrong with my car, I do it up right. Typically it costs at least $300. Thank goodness for my mom and her always being there to help me out with these costs. I would not survive if it weren't for her. But this time I didn't ask. Not because I didn't think she would help me out, but because I know she doesn't have that type of money right now either. Our whole family struggles with this whole "black cloud" issue. Each time we seem to get one step ahead, we get thrown for a loop and have to go back five steps it seems like.
I'm so tired of all of this! Typically I will try to look at the positives and attempt to move on. While that's hard because of my wonderful friend anxiety, I still make the attempt. But today was one of those days where I couldn't just see the positives and I felt like I needed to quote Rachel from FRIENDS. "Isn't that just kick you in the crotch spit on your neck fantastic?" Obviously, there's a hint of sarcasm there. Because it isn't fantastic. It actually really sucks that each time I get paid I have some kind of astronomical bill that takes away a third of my paycheck.
Why? Why does this happen to me? When can something start going right??
But I can't have that mindset, the "why me?" mindset. It isn't just me, there's a lot of other people that this crap happens to too. For now, my airbags are not fixed in my car. And I will be saving up for quite some time. But I have a car that isn't *hopefully* going to blow up on me. So there's my silver lining, I guess??
Hi there! I'm Kelli and this blog is about my life with anxiety, and how I am learning to cope. Looking to God is the only way that I stay sane (well with some help from my family, pets, and boyfriend). My goal is to attempt to be a silver lining for all, myself included.